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Absotively Posilutely Seuss


Gerome's Poems About Gnomes
Everything Is Tickitty-Boo
In The Shape Of A Weezle
Have You Ever....Read A Book?
More Gnome Poems
The Humpalump Tale
The Snoodles Of Bentwick
Billy Blue
Yerks in the Works
A Farewell To Narmes
How To Trap A Zoid
How The Grinch SAVED Christmas
The Snarfle-arfle-arfellous
Rat Hat
My Gazortenflat-Gazinta
A Poem To Read
The Boohlian Zoo
Future Titles
How To Trap A Zoid

A Zoid is a thing we don't understand
It could be an animal or even a man.
But there is one thing that we know for sure
A Zoid never knocks when it comes to your door.

It stands there and waits oh so patiently
As if it has nowhere to go or no place to be.
Why it would do this is not really clear
The instant a door is opened
The Zoid will disappear!

Now a Zoid is as sly as a fox
And twice as slippery as an eel
So if you have never seen one
That's how you know that they are real.
If you think a Zoid will answer
When you holler out it's name
You're wrong because Zoids love to play
The silliest of games.

If you look out your window
It ducks out of sight
It hides in the bushes
If you turn on a light.

If you know one is out there
And you open your door
It may very well have been there
But it won't be anymore.

For as fast as you think you are
A Zoid will be ten times quicker
In the blink of an eye
It can slip out of sight
And when a Zoid hides.. it snickers.

Oh! How this rascal loves to tease
And play jokes on people all day
If you look out, it won't be about,
It comes back when you turn away.

So, make sure to close your door tight
Before you turn your back
A Zoid can slip into your house
Through the tiniest little crack.

Once a Zoid gets inside
There is nothing you can do.
You cannot avoid being annoyed
By the tricks it will play on you.

It will follow you wherever you go
And mimic whatever you do
Then make funny faces behind your back
And stick to you closer than glue.

You may never see them
But believe me they are there
They tug at your clothes and tickle your nose
If you sit, they will pull out your chair.

When you are trying to read a book
And your hair stands up on its end
If shivers run down the back of your neck
That's the work of a Zoid my friend.

Or when you eat an ice-cream cone
And the top scoop always falls off
You know a Zoid is the one to blame
And as if that were not enough,

A Zoid will do almost anything
To try and bother you.
It will hide the things you are looking for
And while you look it will untie your shoes.

Or if some-one is speaking to you
And you can't hear a word they say
I'll bet a Zoid's fingers are in your ears
That's their favorite game to play.

These are only a few of the things
That make a Zoid snicker and grin
It's so hard to get a single thing done
When a Zoid gets under your skin.

So how do you get rid of a Zoid?
That is what I would like to know.
I have tried everything under the sun
But it just won't seem to go.

There is only one way, I've been told
By a friend I shall not name,
If you meet a Zoid face to face
You beat him at his own game.

When this happens it bothers a Zoid
More than you can believe
It will be so disappointed at being caught
The Zoid just gets up and leaves.

It will not say a word
As it heads towards the door
It sadly hangs it's head in shame
And refuses to play anymore.

But do not feel too sorry
When a Zoid is waving good-bye
Here is a rule, never be fooled
If that Zoid begins to cry.

You see, it is only an act
To make you think you have won the game.
If you give in, that means the Zoid wins
And you're stuck with a Zoid once again.

Needless to say you'll get annoyed
By the same old tricks it will play
You'll find yourself making a wish
For that Zoid to please go away.

But this is easier said than done
So I remind you in case you forget
These are the trickiest things on Earth
And no-ones ever trapped a Zoid yet.

You can try to catch it's eye
By spinning as fast as you can
But the Zoid just hangs on to your back
Until you are too dizzy to stand.

And if you reach behind your back
The Zoid leans out of the way.
When you look left, the Zoid will lean right
They're too slippery to be caught in this way.

If you try to see them in a mirror
Zoids have this plan in place
With one mighty blast they steam up the glass
Before you can see your own face.

Try as you may, you will never outplay
This sly and masterful dude.
Take it from me, there is no escape
From a Zoid in a playful mood.

Now here is the reason I'm telling this tale,
I could use a little help.
I tried and I tried until I realized
You can't catch a Zoid all by yourself.

But, if you and I gave it a try
I'm sure we could make that Zoid leave.
Two against one would be a lot more fun
Than a Zoid against little old me.

You see, my friend, I'm at my wit's end
I just get too annoyed.
So, if given the chance, please tell me
How would you trap a Zoid?